I was 10 years old in the 1962–63 school year in Catholic School. In Catholic School, we had to have every homework assignment signed by one of our parents. That way the school knew that we weren’t copying from other kids, and it kept the parents involved.

I was always very diligent in my homework, not so much that I was a kiss-ass. I just didn’t like getting my ass kicked.

Well, one day as we were told to pass our homework up to the nun I realized a critical error — I forgot to have my Mom sign my homework. I knew full well that not having your homework signed would cause a federal investigation, waterboarding, the inquisition, a face slapping, and detention. In a desperate effort to avoid such consequences I signed my Mom’s name and turned in my homework.

Hours passed (or it seemed so), and out of nowhere the nun said, “Robert, please come up to my desk.” My mind and conscience were clear (more like blank), and I was truly wondering why she called me up to her desk. When I came up to her desk, I noticed that my homework was right on top, in front of her.

She pointed to my forgery and said, “Robert, who’s signature is that?”

Well, I shoulda been a lawyer, because I figured since that was my Mom’s name that’s my Mom’s signature. I answered her and said, “That’s my Mom’s.”

She glared at me and asked, “Did your Mom sign this?”

Knowing full well I was busted I told her, “No, Sister, I did.” I confessed and told her I was trying to avoid punishment. For punishment, she told me that I must write, “I will not commit forgery,” one-thousand times (1000!).

I went home and I started this undertaking — let me tell you, that’s a massive undertaking, way too much for an antsy kid.

My Dad was an accountant and accounting carbon paper looked identical to pencil. Using pencil and pressing hard, I could get 5 to 6 good impressions identical to pencil. I finished my punishment and turned it in. Hours passed (or it seemed so), and out of nowhere the nun said, “Robert, please come up to my desk.”

My mind and conscience were clear (more like blank), and I was truly wondering why she called me up to her desk. When I came up to her desk, I noticed that my punishment project was right on top, in front of her. She said “Robert, this was very clever, you would have gotten away with it, but… I found this page.”

I hadn’t double-checked all of the pages. One of the pages was slightly cocked at an angle, so every single line was slightly cocked at precisely the same angle.

I was busted again.

For my next punishment, I was to lose recess. We kids lived for lunchtime recess!

I had a bodyguard nun at lunch (nobody wanted to come near me), and immediately upon finishing, the nun walked me from the cafeteria over to the convent yard. There was a 6-foot brick wall all around the convent yard, a gate, and a lock that the nun used to lock me in the yard. I would be released from the yard right after the end-of-recess bell had been rung so that I could go back to class.

The yard was quite lovely with flowers and shrubs, but all of my friends were playing during recess right on the other side of the wall. It was torture — I couldn’t take it. I scoped out the situation, and I then figured that I could easily scale a 6-foot wall.

The next day, I was escorted to the convent yard, the gate was locked, and I bolted over the wall. I played all during recess, and when the bell rung, I scampered back over the wall and into the convent yard. The nun came and let me out, and I returned to class.

Now all was good with the World again, I could easily handle my punishment.

Hours passed (or it seemed so) and out of nowhere our school principal came into our room. The entire class stood and in unison said, “Good afternoon, Sister Jean Gertrude.”

Sister Jean Gertrude said, “Good afternoon class. Please be seated, except you Robert. Please step into the hall with me.” My mind and conscience were clear (more like blank), and I was truly wondering why she called me out into the hall.

Sister Jean Gertrude said, “Robert, do you know where the nuns’ dining room is?”

I answered, “No Sister, I don’t.”

She said, “The nuns’ dining room is adjoining the court yard.” All of the windows in the convent were made of a reflective material. They were mirrored so you couldn’t see inside. While all of the kids are having lunch and recess, the nuns are having their lunch and recess in their dining room.

She said, “We all watched you go over the wall and come back at the end of recess.”

For my next punishment, I had to stay after school until closing. Upon locking up the school, I had to walk in the procession of nuns from the school to the convent. I was brought to the chapel inside the convent, and I was told that I had to pray for the salvation of my soul, which I was told was very iffy.